Dear Loco,

Dear Loco,

I told C about how I was hurting/feeling, and he pulled a rabbit out of a hat. He made the very sensible, very empathetic suggestion – “Should I get you something to wrap yourself in, so you feel safer?”. That kind of blew my mind because it was such a small, intuitive gesture that I knew any CSA victim or otherwise would find appreciative and comforting.

I would rather smush you, and in the absence of your gentle light I’ll take a green kaftan.

I felt very conflicted about going, and mum just wasn’t answering her phone but I went anyway for the funeral.

In some vindication for my inner child, I asked C if he’d have my back. And he did.
We get there, I look around and nobody is there. And as walk back out – LO AND BEHOLD who do I see? The very same man all by himself sitting there as if “an invitation”. It was the all the fates combined. C gives it to him, I give it to him and I feel a thrill that somebody had my back. That I had my back.
That I didn’t let it slide under my skin to produce rot. I HAD A VOICE!

And I spent the rest of the day finishing up work. I didn’t get to talk to mum, but I think I will this Sunday. And this awful story will dissolve in to stardust.

Today I am grateful for:
– People who will try to have my back
– The Biryani Sheldon bought me 🙂