The sustainer

Dear Loco,

I pulled the sustainer Card, and I felt exhausted looking at it. It’s funny now I think about it, Alina leaving is a gift to my time and energy.

Suprise surprise I spent the day worrying about Nas, and putting in a lot to make sure she’s able to meet her goals. She’s very appreciative and didn’t ask for it or was in any way entitled about it. At the same time, I wonder why I did that. It felt like a lot! Like all or nothing! Like if I do this, there can be no mistakes. It’s such a drain on my energy, this behaviour.

“Yes, if I help you I will do everything and lay myself on the line”
Barely ever – “No, thank you!” and usually has “You can fuck off”
Something to work on!

I did, however, achieve a lot and felt like I was proceeding in to my weekend with a sense of calm versus the anxiety I always feel.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: