Dear Loco,

I woke up with a weird sense of dread because I didn’t hear Luna. I finally peeled myself out of bed to discover she was missing.

I got the kittu and kept him safely tucked into a shawl. Then, I worried after 3 hours had passed. I called Sid, he came. And I just started sobbing. I was just SO tired. I had to sanitize dishes, a space, the feeding bottle, make the milk and I had set myself up to do absolutely nothing. I was so so drained of energy.

I wanted to feel like I needn’t do anything here, or if I were to undertake it that I do so to perfection. “I cannot fuck up”. I was just shaking from the responsibility. Sid reminded me I didn’t need to oscillate between being a sage that lets nature do it’s thing, or a God-like figure that cannot do any wrong.

We took him to the vet. She said this can happen – a first-time mother can find the kitten dead after returning and learn not to do it.
Lana fed him. She really annoys me, but bless her heart she does some things right.

OH I MISSED THE BEST PART. Your bestie Nina wanted to just take care of kittu. She licked him so much. She simply would not heed to “NO, NINA”. But, alas, we could not have Luna’s baby smell like her mortal enemy if she comes back. It felt like a big IF. I had no idea.

But, then, she casually strolled in while Sid and I were out buying droppers and all sorts of mechanisms to feed the kittu.

Mentally preparing myself to wake up every 2 hours for the next two weeks, and then she strolls right in. I’m relieved but also angry with her.

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