Dear Loco,

I snapped at mum, and she coaxed me to lunch. So much hurt keeps randomly rising to the surface, and I wonder where does it go when I’m not thinking about it because it always seems to surprise me with it’s existence.

Sometimes I think it’s as simple as saying “Goodbye”, and then one day you’re taking stock and find it in an old cardboard box gathering dust but still very much THERE. How do you forgive?
Forgive others, forgive yourself – For the things you didn’t say, for the things you didn’t do, for the things you did do and hate yourself for…

I wish I put my laptop down more when you asked for cuddles. I wish I kissed you more. I wish I took more photos. I wish I knew how to be the best meowma sooner. I wish there was just MORE of everything.

I read somewhere that you can take your remorse and turn it into gratitude. Instead of saying “I’m sorry I wasn’t there”, you can say “thank you for understanding”

So, my love, THANK YOU for understanding. Thank you for EVERYTHING.

And with that, for us, I hope 2023 has more GRATITUDE.

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