Dear Loco,

I did a bit of self-care today, and then set myself up at a hotel. I needed some space to think and work on the content for Caro’s website.

Gosh, it always feels so nice to tend to myself! At the same time, I’ve been feeling SO guilty – like I’ve abandoned you. The house is our territory, and I’ve been feeling separation anxiety being away from “our space”.

I both miss Loony, and enjoy the respite.
It’s such a funny thing existing in all of these dichotomies, and extremes. Miss her AND glad to be rid of her for a bit. Just accepting this space where many things can be true at the same time, can be hard. This particular situation seems to illicit either longing or guilt. Neither fun.
It takes so much effort to bring myself back to a space of balance, and middle-ground. The dialogue with myself where I say “It’s okay to take space” and “Of course, you miss her!” and “You’ll see her soon”.

You, despite the separation anxiety, I carry with me everywhere.


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